Today’s post isn’t a happy one. Instead, it’s about botched plans and blind spots. I am not moving to Europe. In fact, today marks September 4th, my D-day. In a few hours I should have been boarding a plane that would whisk me away to Europe for a Spanish school year, but instead, I will be stateside licking my wounds and hoping that, in time, the sting of this experience will fade. At least I can say I am humbled. Although, it’s admittedly forced.
My journey to teach in Europe began in the fall of 2010, nearly one year ago. Yet, a friend recommended instead of moving abroad that I just travel there. She recommended pretty early on that I cut my investment and just travel. Had I listened to her advice, I could have saved myself thousands of dollars and avoided wasted effort and time, but I stayed the course and worked on executing to the financial aspects of achieving my transition.
I’ve paid for everything from application and visa fees to plane ticket expenses and program costs, and there’s absolutely no way that I can truly express how disappointed I am about how this all panned out.
My first mistake was having tunnel vision. I had a several objectives for moving abroad: 1. Foreign language immersion. 2. Travel and exploration in Europe. 3. A sense of being jaded as a black woman in America and wanting to discover what my identity and options felt like abroad. 4. A desire to explore dating and relationships/social culture outside of the U.S.
Yet, a few things I failed to consider adequately included: 1. Being in the classroom wasn’t something that I actually wanted to do. I truly wanted to experience parts of Europe on different terms. 2. After my school year teaching abroad, I would either have to come home and reestablish myself (find a job, a place to stay, etc) or plan a way to transition into another opportunity to stay in Europe legally (which very likely would have been to accept another teaching role). 3. Teaching abroad in Europe isn’t financially lucrative, so one must have a sound financial/support strategy.
In addition, I had another concern. I seemed to be running from a life and job that I wasn’t satisfied with, so my judgment was skewed based upon those needs.
When I resigned from my position in May and then subsequently didn’t pursue my constructive discharge claim, I financially sealed my fate and any hope of relocating. No income all summer. No extra reserves to travel Europe. No extra money to cushion my transition back to the U.S. next year. No. No. and more No. My best bet would have been to continue to endure my job, fight like hell to project a positive mental attitude (PMA), and continue to set aside about $1k a month if I wanted to live in Europe for a stint.
The other option would have been to take my friends advise and stay stateside, and take some of the money I was saving to visit countries in Europe. I would have needed to stay at my job in this scenario, continue to search diligently for an opportunity to leave that role, and fight like hell to maintain a PMA. I think that this may have been the best choice for now.
This summer has been truly a nightmare with unexpected expenses popping up out of nowhere, unemployment, people woes and planning and execution related regrets. Now, I’ve truly gone back to square one financially, careerwise, and all, but I guess those are the breaks. I guess it just “is what it is”, and I am sure someone would remind me that I should at least give myself credit for making the attempt to pursue something new… even if it ended up being an abysmal failure. At least I still have a roof over my head for now and a meager opportunity for generating income. So, here’s to starting back at square one albeit with a heavy dose of incredulity at how quickly things can change.
Tags: Black & Abroad, EFL Teaching, Europe, Failure, Relocation, Travel
